No MORE DeadBEATS in Relationships!

Some of us chronically make the mistake of gravitating towards the same type of men or women.  Most women are attracted to men that are strong and authority, but their coldness and emotional superficiality destroyed the relationship.  We can get caught up into the charm, beauty, money, or role of a person and overlook the possibility of he/she eventually could cause emotional harm. This does not just happens one time, but over and over again. We try to go to different places or organizations, change our images, and hoping to run into someone different, but we find ourselves with the same type of person each time. We begin to believe that we are doomed, not realizing our true issue.

The issue has to do with our habits. Some people believe habits are entrenched into us for a lifetime, but this is not true. We all have the ability to change. Most that don’t change usually have the slightest awareness of their choices.  The great thing is, we can do something about only being attractive to deadbeats by going against our own habits. It’s not easy, but it can be done it we want a better outcome.

The way to walk towards change is to develop the habit of awareness, or examine the probable consequences of every significant thing that we do without neurotic worry. Ask yourself these few questions to increase your awareness before making your decision.

1.     Have I met a man/woman like this person before?

2.     If I invest more time with this person what negative consequences am I willing to live with? (Please consider the short and long term consequences)

3.     Are the consequences worth it, given what I expect to gain?

If you get any red flags, don’t just walk away. Do a few things/actions purposely to see the outcomes.  For an example, if you always find yourself with people that cheat on you have one of your attractive friends drop in on your forth date. Watch your mates body language; if her/his focus is still on you that is great. If not, you may want to answer questions 2 and 3 above and don’t ignore or try to fight for the person attention.  You are wasting your time.  Let it go. If the person passed let him/her know it was a test and they passed. Let them know why you did the test and inform them if cheating is something they have done in the past with their mates let you know.  Discuss with the person your expectation and give her/him a door out if they are not willing to be committed. Wishing upon a star and hoping for the best is not how you handle it. Knowing who the person is and how they really feel about you is the answer. You don’t have the power to change anyone, but don’t allow anyone to hurt you because of who they choose to become.

Written by Nancia Leath, MA LPC NCC

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