Tuesday, August 13, 2013

YOU Must Discuss THIS in Per-Marital Counseling

Posted at   12:58 PM  |  in   www.inwardcorehealthcare.com


Nancia Leath, MA LPC and her family
My husband and I wanted to have five children when we first got married. We did not take the time to research the cost of having children like most zealous, new couples. Nor discussed how expensive children were during per-martial counseling or with other mature couples. Nevertheless we ended up with only three children and a four-legged dog. Most couples without children are not aware that raising children are very expensive. Now when I do per-marital or marriage counseling with couples I make sure this topic is discussed. Why? Because money issues are one of the main reasons for divorce according to current studies.

I always start off by asking the couples the amount of children they would like to have in the future. They both look at each other and smile; the women in most cases are always the first to provide the number. I have them talk about their childhood and what they disliked and liked. We discuss how they decided on the amount of children.  We also discuss in detail what will happen between them if they found out one of them could not have children for any physical reasons. I will end the session by giving them a homework assignment for their next session. The homework assignment will consist of reading the the U.S. Department of Agriculture estimates (downloads as a pdf ) to learn the cost for classic middle-income family in America. It will cost most families $300,000, adjusted for inflation, to raise a child from birth to age 17, or more nearly $20,000 per child – that doesn’t include the cost of private education or the cost of college. Housing is the single most expensive cost attributable to raising a child, accounting for 30% of the total.

I will have the couples enter their information into the USDA calculator (you can try it here) at their next session to help them picture their cost if they decide to have many children. The men are always the first to say, “We may have to talk about this more.” The women usually show signs of being in shock or speechless, which is not the norm because they’re usually the most talkative during the sessions. By the end of pre-marital counseling most couples decrease their numbers of children and few of the couples my increase their numbers of children.

This is not done to encourage couples to have fewer or more children, but it is one of the most effective ways to help them discuss typical money issues before they get married. This also opens doors for both to discuss their emotions tied to money and how they manage money as individuals.  Some couples have even decided not to get married because of the conflicts that aroused during the “money” counseling sessions. Nevertheless, if you are taking pre-martial counseling please make sure your counselor spend a few sessions on money management from perspectives that matters. You usually see who the person “really” is during those counseling sessions. 

Written: Nancia Leath, MA LPC - Licensed Mental Health Therapist & Life Coach
 Inward Core Healthcare Services

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About Inward Core, THE FIX Dr. Nancia Leath, MAC LPC NCC CPCS

Inward Core, THE FIX is a self-improvement site for all. The owner is Dr. Nancia Leath, MAC LPC NCC CPCS. She is a devoted wife to Boris, caring mom to Gracelyn, Brooke, and Titus, and sweet friend to many. She help others by being a Licensed Professional Mental Health Therapist, National Certified Counselor, Master Addiction Counselor, Author of two books: Feed Your Faith and Crush Your Doubts, Emancipate In Your Chair, Professional and Motivational Speaker, Life Coach and Licensed Minister. She enjoys spending time with her husband, three children, and two dogs. She have a blast when she does trainings, motivating others to thrive, encouraging youth to be strong leaders in their communities (Teen Help Other People 501c3 - TeenHOP - www.teenhop.com), and helping all to live out their God given purposes. She also have fun doing interviews and being special guest on radio or television (just to name a few - HGTV, Steve Harvey, Sweet Retreats/Disney). You may even find one of her informative notes in successful companies' newsletters/magazines. Many use her services in order to experience life changing therapy, coaching services, and superb supervision to new therapists. You will never forget Nancia Leath after meeting her, many claims "she is a true inspiration." Contact Dr. Nancia Leath, MAC LPC NCC CPCS HERE.

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