Are THEY Really Together?

An emotional connection to a person, an object, or an activity is hard to break for various people, especially if it brings pleasure, safety, familiarity, and/or comfort. However, there are moments when others find it difficult to articulate in how emotional disconnections happens, but can feel the strong transition when it does happens. The awareness for some individuals can be dreadful, because it may feel like a death or strong dose of rejection. It is very hard for most to swallow that their partner has a stronger emotional bond to another person, an object, or an activity. A relationship in this state is usually headed to closure, especially when the emotional connection is broken.

If your partner is complaining of you being on your computer or phone a lot, spending more time with your friends, partying too much, or working too long, most likely he/she have concerns of loosing you emotionally. S/he may appear to be acting jealous or responding from a place of fear, which are the normal responses when a person feels threaten or in competition. Please don't ignore their concerns, because most likely this person is telling you indirectly of needing more from you. Many women and men are divorced today because this important need was not met.

It is imperative for married or committed couples to understand what it means to be connected emotionally to each other and do whatever it takes to remain. This is one of the main ingredients for any committed relationship to thrive. Here are a few things to help you maintain emotional connection with your partner.

1. Commit to remain connected emotionally to each other even if there is a disagreement or conflict. Refusing to talk to one another or refusing to spend time with each other should never be an option if there’s a promise to remain connected emotionally.

2. Do what’s needed to make sure your partner is in the front seat or 1st emotionally. This spot cannot be shared with your parents, children, spiritual leader, supervisor, best friend (s), idol, job, activities, or mentor. If there are confusions in the order, correct it quickly.

3. Inform your partner weekly of why you enjoy being emotionally connected to him/her – For an example, “I can be myself when I’m around you, which causes me to feel safe.”

4. Never ignore the signs of when you sense the emotional integrity fading in your relationship. The sooner you address it the easier it will be to repair. If your partner goes to someone else first about good news or bad news, most likely s/he does not feel emotionally connected to you or you’re not in his/her front seat emotionally.

5. Learn to articulate your feelings when you are feeling threaten or in competition in ways to help your partner understand your hurt. Try not to criticize or do or say mean things to force him/her to change. This usually put you in last place and overtime out of the game.

6. Acknowledge your partner’s feelings when he/she appears jealous of other people or activities. Assess to determine if you are allowing another person or other things to take 1st place emotionally. There is no excuse to justify for allowing another person, object, or activity to take that position when you are married. Never play the “I’m to tired”-card women or job/sports-card men.

7. If you find yourself not being able to emotionally connect for whatever reason you may need professional mental health counseling. Please note most friends or Life coaches are not trained to address in-depth emotional issues.

When you are truly emotionally connected to someone you will desire to spend time in order to have fun and not just have sex, look forward to create special memories, feel safe to express your true feelings, spend important celebrations together, and able to accomplish most goals. "Not having time" should never be an excuse for not doing things together. This type of connection is priceless and needed for a relationship to last during trying times. It’s not always something that just happens, but most integrate/maintain healthy boundaries and understand the need for emotional connections.

Written by Nancia Leath, MA LPC NCC – Licensed Mental Health Therapist and Owner of Inward Core Healthcare Services (www.inwardcorehealthcare.com)

 Nancia has a strong passion to help remove the stigma towards Mental Health Disorders, motivate youth to serve in their community (www.teenhop.com), train counselors to be the best counselors they can be, but most of all she is just a devoted wife, caring mother, and dependable friend.