One of my clients years ago asked me “why people asked how people are doing when they really don’t want to know or have the time to find out?” For an example, her husband walks in a room where she is, glances at her for a hot second, eyes focused on his cell phone, and mumbles “How are you doing sweetheart?’ Her reply, “I was in a car accident, and my lower back is hurting, should I go to the hospital?” His reply was “That’s great, I’m happy you are doing good, my day was great also. Let me make this phone call and I will tell you all about it at dinner.” She throws a plastic cup at him and knocks him in the head; he screams “Are you crazy? Did you see your therapist TODAY? I just wanted to know how you were doing.” Her response, “Yes and my therapist told me to give you a test to see if you were really listening to me, I now PROVED my point!
Do you find yourself asking people how they are doing, but really don’t want to know? The best way to handle this is not to ask, “How are you doing?” unless you really want to know and have time to listen to the details. For some people it takes a lot of self-discipline to listen to another person express their true feelings, especially if the person listening has a negative perception about the person or thinks the person talks a lot. Most of the time when this happens, people, believes they already know what the person is going to say. However, if you want to improve your relationships, listen to a person without judgments and respond to the person based on what they need from you.
If you have a lot on your mind or the person you are speaking to have something between their teeth or showing a lot of cleavage and you are having a difficult time listening be honest and let the person know you can’t talk right now or they have something on their teeth. Don’t put the blame on the person, because in all honesty it is you with the problem of not being able to focus, but end your conversation by encouraging them to take care of him/herself or how you hope the best for them. This may sound cheesy, but it is better than faking or pretending you are listening when you’re really not.
So if you don't want to know how a person is doing, don't ask, just say Hi!
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About Inward Core, THE FIX
Dr. Nancia Leath, MAC LPC NCC CPCS
Inward Core, THE FIX is a self-improvement site for all. The owner is Dr. Nancia Leath, MAC LPC NCC CPCS. She is a devoted wife to Boris, caring mom to Gracelyn, Brooke, and Titus, and sweet friend to many. She help others by being a Licensed Professional Mental Health Therapist, National Certified Counselor, Master Addiction Counselor, Author of two books: Feed Your Faith and Crush Your Doubts, Emancipate In Your Chair, Professional and Motivational Speaker, Life Coach and Licensed Minister. She enjoys spending time with her husband, three children, and two dogs. She have a blast when she does trainings, motivating others to thrive, encouraging youth to be strong leaders in their communities (Teen Help Other People 501c3 - TeenHOP - www.teenhop.com), and helping all to live out their God given purposes. She also have fun doing interviews and being special guest on radio or television (just to name a few - HGTV, Steve Harvey, Sweet Retreats/Disney). You may even find one of her informative notes in successful companies' newsletters/magazines. Many use her services in order to experience life changing therapy, coaching services, and superb supervision to new therapists. You will never forget Nancia Leath after meeting her, many claims "she is a true inspiration."
Contact Dr. Nancia Leath, MAC LPC NCC CPCS HERE.
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