How Do You Honor An Absent DAD?

Most people are excited about honoring their Mom on Mother's Day, but for various reasons we have less people honoring their Dad on Father's Day.  This post is for those who want to honor their Father, the father is alive, but he is too busy with his life to spend time with his children, regardless of their age. He makes promises, but never keeps them. Your heart has been broken over and over again, but you continue to forgive and hope one day he will be the Dad you always wanted. You tend to hate when Father's Day roll around and seeing people with their Dads, but wish you could do more than just call him on the phone and say "Happy Father's Day!" You want to spend valuable time with him, even at the age of 30.

If you have been waiting on your father to acknowledge you, spend time with you, and have not expressed this to him, Father's Day will be the best time to tell him your needs. Usually during this time, most men are more sentimental and open to hear correction, especially if another person is seeking his attention. If you come to him angry, disrespectful, condemning, wanting money, or offensive, you may not receive a positive response. Most men who are too busy to spend time with their children usually minimized their need to act like a father and may not want to understand your hurt or frustrations.  However, if you express to your father what you consider a Dad to be, you honestly want that type of relationship with him, and ask if he will be willing to met you at least 25-50% of your expectation, then you may have a better outcome. He may not recognize in the beginning how much he will benefit from spending time with you but overtime that can possibly change.

There are some action steps you will need to take before you approach your father.

1. Seek counseling: you may want to work on yourself to make sure his responses, rather it is positive or negative- you will be able to bounce back or grow. Talk to a counselor and let that person know your true feelings for the purpose of releasing pain, frustration, hatred, etc. and doing what it is needed to forgive your father for whatever the outcome may be.

2. Set a date: If you are not ready to do it this year, give yourself time to heal, while working with your mental health therapist. Don't ignore it, but aim for a date. Just know if you don't get this area mentally and emotionally stabilized, how you view your father, usually taint how you view men in general regardless of your gender or having a strong support system.

The key is making sure you have closure or being able to express your needs to your father. You understand and accept you can't make a person want to spend time with you, so if that person reject you after you voice your expectation, continue to seek counseling to help you believe it is more of his loss than yours and seek to forgive him. So when the next Father's Day roll around you will not be moved by it and know calling him just to say "Happy Father's Day" is still a gift and great way to honor an absent Dad.