There is a Difference Between Mental Care and Spiritual Care

 

 

There are a lot of people who think they are taking care of their mental care because they take care of their spiritual care. This is so far from the truth. There are known pastors and their family members who have died due to suicide around the world. There are a lot of Christians, Muslims, or people who attend church or spiritual gatherings who have mental diagnoses even though they maybe spiritually strong. This doesn't make them less than or better, it's just another fact many refuse to acknowledge or distinguish. Especially those who pay a lot of attention to their spiritual care.

 

Today, please be more aware there is a difference in how you care for yourself mentally, spiritually, and physically. Please know it is possible for people who are in spiritual leadership to be very sick mentally and never took the time to care for themselves mentally because of lack of knowledge. It is a reason why some want to control your lives and want to treat you like their "sheep." It is a reason why some want to promote hate and division between others who are different. It is a reason why some find themselves sleeping with many women or men. It is a reason why they may not take a break, even though their doctors may stress or encourage them to do so because of their physical health. It is a reason why they maybe become depressed or anxious when things are not going like they planned. It is a reason why they may emotionally eat or drink. The list goes on and on, but hopefully you get the idea of what mental health consist of. This post is not to discredit, disrespect, or demote their 'status.' They just need to be more aware of the need to understand the difference of mental and spiritual care so they can stop causing harm to self and others in their communities. The sad thing is they teach these negative behaviors or people who respect them mirror the same behaviors and emotions.  

There are people who are physically strong but weak spiritually and mentally. Spiritual care does not take care of mental care, just like physical care doesn’t take care of spiritual care. You have to care for each one differently. A church service may not help you physically. Most of you enter your service with diabetes or over weight and leave with diabetes or over weight, but you go to your medical doctor/gym to help you control it. I am a strong believer God is the ONLY ONE that can heal you in all areas. However, you need to assess yourself often in all areas and get the help you need in order to maintain health.

 

 

I wrote a book 2 years ago about the importance of self-care (view below). Spoke at many places in the USA and internationally concerning self-care. Today it does my heart good to write a post that many will see. I beg you, please don’t just take care of yourself spiritually and physically, please also take care of yourself mentally…. some of you are hurting yourself and a lot of people because you are mentally sick… please get help! Take that break. Reset each week. You are not super humans…

 

He BLAMED the Parent!

I will never forget when the mother of 14yo indicated that she never wanted to speak with another male psychologist again concerning her son's psychological testing results. She felt that he blamed her for not making sure her son received the tools he needed to cope in life. She honestly thought because he was a male he didn't have any empathy towards her. She believed he did not understand what it was like to be a single parent or understood how painful it was to have the child's father walk away from his responsibilities to her and their child. She wanted to blame the father for how her child was coping. She wanted me to know she was angry and he did not have the authority to blame her for how her child decided to respond to life at his age. I listened and watched tears rolled down her face as she used her hands to forcefully wipe each one away. It was hard for her to understand what Dr. Psychologist was saying because she was angry, feeling helpless, and didn't know how to help her son make changes to better himself emotionally.

She had no idea that Mr. Psychologist was also raised by a single parent because his mother left his family when he was only seven years old. She could not understand that he was not condemning her, but was providing her with truth, even though it did not feel good. Instead of me informing her about his history or what he was saying to a degree was correct, I took a more gentle approach.  I asked her how did her parents teach her how to cope from negative situations or trauma? She informed me that her parents never taught her how to cope; they just told her to pray about it and release it to God. She had to figure it out on her own. She realized by the end of the session that she used food, demeaning others (joking), and alcohol to help her cope with life negative situations. Then I asked her, how would her life been better or different if her parents provided her with positive ways to cope at an early age? She didn't answer that question, but bend-down and started moaning. I felt her pain as she cried for about five minutes, but it felt like hours. I purposely didn't offer her tissue or asked if she was ok, but let her be and do what she needed in that moment. I didn't want to do anything to make her believe she was doing something wrong by crying or she needed to stop crying.

What I felt from her after she stopped crying was completely different. Her anger and feelings of condemnation appeared to fade away. She looked up towards me and said, "I get what Mr. Psychologist was saying about it being part of my fault, my son didn't learn the best ways to cope in his life environment from me, but my unhealthy ways. I didn't teach him with words, but in how I lived." She was able to realize the truth with just a few questions. However, I changed my approach so she would no longer feel like the victim, but give her back her power and accountability. So I asked her what was she going to do about it as a parent to make sure her child learn positive ways to cope? She offensively replied, "I will ask his school if they would teach him, because I honestly don't know how to teach him when I have terrible coping skills myself! I teach him to share and be nice to others, but he needs to learn how to handle his anger, he is not mental ill or crazy! But the school system think he is and don't know how to handle him!"  I explained to her that schools don't teach coping skills, the school system expect youth to learn healthy coping skills outside of the classroom. This is why teachers send notes home when children are defiant, have anxiety attacks, anger outburst, boundaries issues, or behaviors not acceptable according to classroom rules. This is one of the main reasons why alternative public schools are in place; these schools are setup like jails, most don't have windows. More than 50% of those students end up spending time in jail, killed, harming others/self, or in and out of substance abuse treatment centers when they become older. She decided on that day she was responsible and willing to do what was needed for both of them to change how they coped in their environments.

You can only imagine how she and her son ended up making amazing changes in their lives as they learned better ways to cope and handle their past trauma. I told you this story to remind or inform parents that they are responsible for making sure their child learn how to cope. Yes, some may need more or mental health therapy/support groups, but today I'm just encouraging your to start them with emotional coping trainings. Even if you don't see any emotional concerns today. Teach them so if they have any type of negative experiences, rejections, any form of trauma when they become older they will be aware of ways to cope.  To many parents ignore providing these types of training to their youth, but experience and able to see the negative consequences of the lack of knowing how to cope when they become older or adults. Today I'm encouraging parents to start early. I recommend starting at the age 10 and signing them up for emotional trainings today!

Referral: Here is a virtual classroom trainings you can sign your youth up today. All they will need is a computer and internet. Ages 10-17 during after school hours. You don't have to take them to the trainings, but make sure they attend and you (parent) sign consent documentation. Sign them up for their first Emotional Coping Trainings today HERE!


http://www.teenhop.com/youth-virtual-emotional-support-groups

It Didn't FEEL Good...

One of my worst jobs as a mental health provider was at an insurance company. They paid very well and encouraged their employees to give back to their community, which I loved. However, I didn't understand why the person who hired me indicated that it took a "special kind of person" to work at their company in that role for a long period of time. I realized the meaning after a year of working there. What made this person special was being able to follow or ignore their guidelines even if he/she disagreed. Plus be able to believe families were wrong for being upset when they were denied coverage when they honestly met medical necessity. One of my many responsibilities was to listen to the stories of members who were screaming and crying, because their children, spouses, parents, or themselves did not receive authorizations for mental health/substance abuse treatment. There were times I would call the department who provided the authorizations in order to understand their why for denying coverage. We will go back and forth, but I could never convince them to authorize it. It was like I was speaking to robots as they repeated guidelines to justify refusing coverage.

My manager listened to my calls and did not like I was having those conversations. She felt I was wasting time and needed to use that time to  speak with other clients. She even tried to use the power card, by informing me I needed to remain in my own lane. Although all my performance scores were high or above average, compared to my peers and what was expected, they wouldn't listen. I wanted to keep peace and maintain positive relationships with the leadership team so I stopped trying to gain authorization for the clients.  I would voice my concerns on my end of the year surveys. I joined many projects in different departments hoping to help bring forth changes or try to do it politically correct.  I thought I was hired to be an advocate for the members, which was one of the reasons I took the job offer.  Based off the information provided from the clients and my many years of mental health experience I knew a lot of those clients met medical necessity for authorizations. I got to the place I couldn't morally tell the members "according to our guidelines you don't meet medical necessity." I would leave daily wishing I could call each person back to apologize. I was very disappointed with myself for even working there. I felt like I was selling out my soul. I finally resigned by the end of my second year. I missed those checks coming in, but felt at peace immediately.

So when I read the beginning of this year that a federal judge ruled this particular insurance provider breached its fiduciary duty to patients by using unreasonable and overly restrictive guidelines to make coverage decisions for tens of thousands of people who suffered with mental health and substance abuse, I was thankful. I prayed for those families. I don't want anything bad to happen to my ex-employer, because over all it's a good company, but my hope is this insurance company figure out a way to provide coverage for their members who honestly need it. Especially children and young adults who suffer due to mental health diagnoses and substance abuse addictions. The numbers are very high, if you only could imagine.

Nevertheless, there are so many youth and young adults who don't know how to handle their emotions or haven't learned how to cope when they are in distress or facing problems. There are adults who need Life Coaches to help them thrive in life. I still have this heart to help and be an advocate for those who suffer. I honestly don't have all the answers, but the same way I couldn't just watch when those families who were denied coverage when they needed it, I also can't just watch and talk about others problems and not do something to help. Especially when I've been trained and have the experience and expertise to create and assist.  I created free 6 months self-development programs for youth and young adults of members apart of 501c3-  Teens Help Other People, Inc. Trainings for youth and parents to understand the importance of inclusion and diversity in different communities in the state of GA. Free Life Coaching Program for adults who lives in different states and countries by using Facebook - Join for 2020 by November HERE. NEW Virtual Emotional Support Training Groups (you can live anywhere) for youth ages 10 -17 to teach them fun ways/tools in how to cope under stress, confidence development, learn healthy relationship boundaries, and help identify their life purpose at an early age - Learn more about that HERE.

When situations don't feel good, because it's wrong, do something positive about it. Anyone can talk about what's happening around them, but decide to be the person who help bring forth changes. Even if you have to do it for FREE. Decide to BE the Change instead of ONLY looking for Situations around you to Change.

Start Mental Health Assessments & Counseling at an Early AGE!!

It was great to hear African Americans on the radio station, entitled the Breakfast Club speaking about their mental health counselors and how it is important for them to go weekly. Not because they have serious mental health issues, because it's beneficial for them overall in life. You may wonder why it was great to hear? Because this is not the norm for people of color, especially those who are in low and middle class income status. According to research, white Americans are more opened to therapy and willing to process their feelings with a stranger (Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration. National Survey on Drug Use and Health. 2008-2018). However, among all racial/ethnic groups, except American Indian/Alaska Native, women are much more likely to receive mental health services than men (Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration). This information can help us understand why majority of killings done in the USA were done by men. Plus, White Americans are more likely to die by suicide than people of other ethnic/racial groups, especially the males.  People dying due to drug overdose is also unimaginable, but more than 72000 Americans died in 2018.

Research also shows that there are more youth who honestly don't know what they want to do when they graduated from high school. There are many students who can't manage their stress when they leave home for college, because they never learned healthy coping skills/interventions. They don't think about speaking with a counselor when they may feel overwhelmed, because most never knew that was even an option. So you can clearly see mental health assessments and counseling needs to start at an early age or the same time medical exams are introduced. Young adults are aware to go to a doctor if they are hurting physically, but don't seek help when they are not feeling well mentally. Similar to their parents.

Things you need to know if you decide to get a mental health assessment for your child.

Pediatricians are not mental health providers, it is not recommended that you put all your trust in your pediatricians concerning your children mental health needs. According to Psychological Today, many of them are not comfortable screening toddlers for autism, starting medications for conditions such as ADHD or depression, or dispensing parental advice to manage children who are oppositional defiant, given the lack of specific training most of them receive in medical school and residency. Many will do it because they want to get compensated or like the challenge, but most of them have little training. Don't become frustrated or thank your pediatricians when they refer you out for these types of services, because what they are doing is ethically correct and may save you and your child a lot of time in discovering the best interventions for your child mental and emotional needs.

There is a difference between a psychiatrist and psychologist. To help you remember the difference, think of the psychiatrist as the people who manage a patient's medical issues as they participate through mental health counseling. Many of them also refer their clients out for mental health therapy, but will quickly provide you with class of medications such as.

• Antidepressants – used to treat depression, panic disorder, PTSD, anxiety, obsessive-compulsive disorder, borderline personality disorder and eating disorders.
• Antipsychotic medications – used to treat psychotic symptoms (delusions and hallucinations), schizophrenia, bipolar disorder.
• Sedatives and anxiolytics – used to treat anxiety and insomnia.
• Hypnotics – used to induce and maintain sleep.
• Mood stabilizers – used to treat bipolar disorder.
• Stimulants – used to treat ADHD.

When looking for a psychiatrist for your child/youth make sure this person is certified in child and adolescent psychiatry and not just forensic (legal) psychiatry or pain medication.


The psychologist are known to do testing or will be the person I will recommend to start with for mental health assessments. Yes all professionals that have been mentioned can give you a diagnoses and in different states licensed professional counselors and clinical social workers can also provide you with a mental health diagnoses. However, there are more psychologists who specializes in psychological testing and evaluation. Many of them also can provide you with mental health counseling, but a lot of them usually refer you out to mental health licensed professional counselors or clinical social workers. Psychologists do not manage your medications only psychiatrists.

A psychiatric nurse practitioners on the other hand can prescribe you with medication, like a psychiatrists. According to the American Psychiatric Nurses Association, this role is “an advanced nursing role requiring extensive education in development, physical and mental health assessment, the diagnosis of mental health conditions, integration and implementation of care, psychopharmacology, psychotherapy, practice evaluation, consultation, and liaison.” Nurse practitioners in this specialty earn a master’s or doctoral degrees in psychiatric-mental health nursing.

Licensed mental health counselors focus mainly on providing mental health counseling for those with depression, panic disorder, PTSD, anxiety, obsessive-compulsive disorder, borderline personality disorder, eating disorders, schizophrenia, bipolar disorder, family, marriage, substance abuse, trauma, case management or even insomnia. They do not manage medications like a psychiatrists or psychiatric nurse practitioners. In some states they are allowed to do mental health assessments in order to provide detailed diagnoses like a psychologists due to shortage. They earn a master's or doctoral degree in psychiatric-mental health counseling/leadership/education.

Clinical social workers are similar to licensed mental health counselors, but known to do more case management and great in finding resources for those in need compared to all mentioned. They earn a master's or doctoral degree in social worker.

After the mental health assessments what's next? 

Find the right provider for your youth's counseling needs after the assessment is completed. Any profession listed above can assist your child, but make sure they specializes in what you are looking for, regardless of their degrees. The person that does the testing (psychologist) maybe or may not be the right person for your youth's therapy needs. The cost is also usually less to speak with a licensed mental health therapist or clinical social worker compared to a psychologist.  Don't force anyone on your child, have them see a few and you all decide together. Encouraging your child to speak with a counselor at least 1x a month, every two weeks, or every week - this will show them how to seek help when they become older for their emotional needs. As parents it's not your job to have all the answers, but do what's needed to show your youth how to get what they need to thrive in all areas of their lives. So when seeking a counselor, make sure it's someone your child feels comfortable around, don't assume they will like her or him because you felt a great connection.

When do you introduce your child to a life coach?

Introduce your youth to life coaches the moment they tell you what they want to do with their lives. The sooner they are working towards their life goals the better.  Age 12 is usually the best age to start if your youth is focus and mature. Why wait when they graduate from high school? A life coach doesn't have to be a mental health therapist or someone with many degrees unless your youth's goal is to become a doctor, teacher, or any role that needs a college degree. Try to match your child with life coaches who know what they are talking about, evidence of success, know how to accomplish goals, honestly want your child to thrive, and willing to encourage your child to move forward with your assistance. This person needs to have  great life skills, character that matches with your values, and understand what to do in order to thrive in their profession. Life coaches tend to have more work experiences than education, so don't reject a person as a life coach if he/she doesn't have many degrees. Especially, if you are looking for a person to help your child with becoming an actor, singer, hair stylist, writer, or work on cars/airplanes.

Parents show your child how to thrive emotionally and mentally by introducing them to mental health providers at an early age. Especially if you want them to learn the tools when they experience emotional valleys, stressful situations, and/or painful experience they have no control over when they become older. Why teach them how to make money, encourage them to go to college, become a celebrity, doctor, have babies, successful business owner, or clean a house if you have not provided them with the emotional tools to manage the stress that comes along with those goals or successes? Do all you can to provide your child with what they need in order to cope, starting at an early age. Don't let them fall through the cracks emotionally...

Live in The Moment, BUT Know The Future

Most people can't live in the moment or visualize the future because they are stuck in their past.  Many people are expressing how they are emotionally, mentally, spiritually, and physically drained the moment they open their eyes from rest. If you have the same goals for the past two or ten years and you are not doing anything to move forward or end up in the same place when you do try to take steps you are stuck.  Mental health counseling is the key to help you move forward and not be stuck.

You may say you are living in your moment and like where you are as an excuse for not achieving goals you had two  or five years ago. To be honest there is nothing wrong with that, but later in life you may regret not taking risks or steps to fulfill your dreams. If you are taking steps towards your dreams, enjoying where you are or your current life moment, and know your future steps you are in a great place.

By being in this place you will know what questions to ask. You will know what type of people you need to be around to thrive with and give to. Your conversations will include not just what you did in the past, but what you enjoy today, and how excite you are concerning your future. Many of you are not having these types of conversations or thoughts because you are stuck in your past.  If your answer to any of the questions below are yes for any reason it is a strong possibility that you are STUCK and need to continue to read on how to become unstuck.

1. Your conversations always lead to what happened to you in your past or what you did to achieve this or that yesterday.

2. You remember only the bad things people say and do to you, and if they try to do something good you are wondering their why.

3.  You don't want to include more in your circle, because of fear of getting hurt or thinking only a few people can understand you.

4. You have behaviors you are not willing to change even though they are defeating you mentally, emotionally, spiritually, and physically.

5. Instead of assuming the best about others, you focus mainly on their worst, and create excuses for their good elements.

6. You always talking about how things use to be done, but not willing to hear about how things can change or be done differently.

7. You don't feel valued, loved, or understood, because people around you disagree with you or walk out your life.

8. You don't want to listen to a person because of their gender, race, or age.

9. You can't make decisions

10. You don't feel like getting up, finding out, or doing what's needed to help you thrive in general.

11. No one can understand how you feel, because they didn't experience what you went through.

12. You continue to do the same behaviors you hate about yourself, but believes no one can help you and think you was just meant to be this way.

13. One person or this/that person can ONLY help you.

14. You believe -"Life will be better if I had a lot of money or had this person in my life."

15. You believe another person is the reason you are defeated.

16 You make excuses about things, people, or how you feel for not following through.

There are more, but this is enough for you to identify if you are stuck or not. The great thing is you don't have to remain STUCK. Many people have realized they were stuck and did what was needed to get back in their wonderful, life race.

1. Let's start off my saying aloud "I don't have to remain stuck to_________________ (whatever experience/thing that has you hung up).

2. Think about why you need to move forward and all you have loss by remaining in the same place (physically, mentally, spiritually, or emotionally).

3. Provide yourself with self-care.

4. Identify and acknowledge the pain, anger, or confusion you maybe dealing with concerning your past. (You may find yourself crying or beating up your pillow - this is great because you need to get it out, but in a way that won't cause harm to self or others)

5. Forgive yourself for allowing or being forced for whatever happened to you.

6. Forgive anyone and let go of any resentment that cause you to suffer in any way.

7. Accept this has happened to you, you have decided to move on and lstart a new chapter in your life.

8. Name your new chapter or future - this is where you identify what you want to do next concerning a job, relationships, or whatever you want to change in your life and create new memories.

9. Create your plan with practical steps and go for it. This maybe hard at first because you will be changing habits and thoughts that caused you to be stuck. Think about getting counseling or a life coach to help you push through. But remember while you are taking steps towards your dreams, enjoying where you are or your current life moment, and be confident concerning your future.

Expect a beautiful future ....

Written By Dr. Nancia Leath

How Do You Honor An Absent DAD?

Most people are excited about honoring their Mom on Mother's Day, but for various reasons we have less people honoring their Dad on Father's Day.  This post is for those who want to honor their Father, the father is alive, but he is too busy with his life to spend time with his children, regardless of their age. He makes promises, but never keeps them. Your heart has been broken over and over again, but you continue to forgive and hope one day he will be the Dad you always wanted. You tend to hate when Father's Day roll around and seeing people with their Dads, but wish you could do more than just call him on the phone and say "Happy Father's Day!" You want to spend valuable time with him, even at the age of 30.

If you have been waiting on your father to acknowledge you, spend time with you, and have not expressed this to him, Father's Day will be the best time to tell him your needs. Usually during this time, most men are more sentimental and open to hear correction, especially if another person is seeking his attention. If you come to him angry, disrespectful, condemning, wanting money, or offensive, you may not receive a positive response. Most men who are too busy to spend time with their children usually minimized their need to act like a father and may not want to understand your hurt or frustrations.  However, if you express to your father what you consider a Dad to be, you honestly want that type of relationship with him, and ask if he will be willing to met you at least 25-50% of your expectation, then you may have a better outcome. He may not recognize in the beginning how much he will benefit from spending time with you but overtime that can possibly change.

There are some action steps you will need to take before you approach your father.

1. Seek counseling: you may want to work on yourself to make sure his responses, rather it is positive or negative- you will be able to bounce back or grow. Talk to a counselor and let that person know your true feelings for the purpose of releasing pain, frustration, hatred, etc. and doing what it is needed to forgive your father for whatever the outcome may be.

2. Set a date: If you are not ready to do it this year, give yourself time to heal, while working with your mental health therapist. Don't ignore it, but aim for a date. Just know if you don't get this area mentally and emotionally stabilized, how you view your father, usually taint how you view men in general regardless of your gender or having a strong support system.

The key is making sure you have closure or being able to express your needs to your father. You understand and accept you can't make a person want to spend time with you, so if that person reject you after you voice your expectation, continue to seek counseling to help you believe it is more of his loss than yours and seek to forgive him. So when the next Father's Day roll around you will not be moved by it and know calling him just to say "Happy Father's Day" is still a gift and great way to honor an absent Dad.

Red Table Talk on Facebook Watch

Red Table Talk with Jada, Willow and Adrienne premiere episode was perfect. I don't use the word perfect much because I can be very judgemental at times. However, when I recognize "pure gold" concerning emotional health I'm usually on point. I was not on Steve Harvey show for nothing. For an example I cringe and can't watch my wonderful sister Iyanla V., because as a trained mental health therapist a lot of her approaches at the end of the day can cause more damage and can prompt people not to seek therapy. Especially, if they think this is how it works. However, Ms. Iyanla is AMAZING with motivating women and helping people identify their junk, but need to learn more skills of how to walk people towards health.  Nevertheless, Red Talk Table is what I consider to be very healthy, especially the first episode.  I enjoyed the transparency, because it was presented in a way to build all parties up and not cause soul destruction. 

I believe Jada has a heart of gold, point blank. It appears she honestly want to do what is right concerning all people in her life, she is strong enough emotionally to face conflict, and willing to do what is needed to make things right if there is conflict. Willow is beautiful inside and out as well and learning from her strong pillars; her Mom and grandmother Adrienne. You honestly can't take what she does or say personally; she is still trying to find herself. She reminds me of one of my beautiful daughters. I also enjoyed Adrienne's openness of her why or how her disobedience as a youth caused emotional and mental harm for herself and daughter Jada, but at the end of the day it helped her become the mother Jade needed when Jada had children. Just priceless and you can feel the love among all three of them.

What brought me to tears was the intimate conversation between Jada and Will's ex-wife, Sheree F.  I honestly felt both their pain concerning their son, Trey S. Adrienne mentioned she did not know why they had to share or join together in order to celebrate Christmas, but hopefully after that conversation between Jada and Sheree helped all involved understand it was something the children needed, especially Trey.  Having a blended family can be very tough according to those who are experiencing it, especially for the children. Sheree mentioned how she still regret walking away from her marriage because how it negatively affected Trey. A lot of adults are still scared after experiencing their parents going through a divorce. Many children are hurting today, because of this same reason, so we can totally understand Sheree's feeling concerning her decision. Will did a great job with helping maintain balance between both the women, especially when there was conflict concerning motherhood and dealing with Trey, based off the information provided.

I left feeling that Trey has a lot of healing he needs to go through due to this entire ordeal and other experiences he encountered in his life after some of the statements that were made by Jada and Sheree. My prayer is that he identify the anchor created in God to help him become his Best or who God created him to become. Ok, now I'm becoming deep with you, but anyway shows like the "Red Table Talk" are needed to help many families heal.  You maybe wonder why so many people enjoy looking at shows similar to  "This Is Us?' and running away from Reality Shows with a lot of negative drama? Because after watching shows like "Red Table Talk" and "This Is Us" you leave with more of an understanding of why people act the way they do, you can experience the insertion of love/caring among those in the story, and sense the healing.

Thank you all who decided to roll out with Red Table Talk and all involved; this is honestly something many will benefit from, and it is really needed in order to help people heal from their core!! You are not wasting time when you watch this show. I Love IT!!  Another highlight to add to my Mondays!! 

Nancia, everyone's social media counselor!

Coping With Discrimination In The Classroom

There are students who have difficulties thriving because of teachers who judge them and put things in place to make sure they fail in the classroom. Many are being discriminated because of their race, gender, mental health diagnoses, or disabilities. It is happening in all grade levels, from elementary to college and most students have no idea in how to cope, regardless of their age. Those who are not discriminated may say this is no longer happening because of the implementation of the Fifth and Fourteenth Amendments of the U.S. Constitution. According to this principle, children shall be assessed fairly so that they can be placed in appropriate classes. Although these laws are in place in the United States, there are still many educators who continue to set students up to fail because of their differences. As a mental health provider and trying to do what is needed to provide care to those who have been discriminated in this type of setting has prompt me to write this post.  Please be aware this is not just happening to non-white youth, but girls/women are being overlooked in the classroom by their male teachers or children with disabilities are being isolated from youth in general education classes, although laws are in place to help prevent this from happening.

How do you cope?

1. For youth under the age 18 will need someone in their life who will help the student believe and understand their differences are not wrong or bad if they cannot be removed out the situation. One main problem with discrimination is that people can internalize others’ negative beliefs, even when they’re false. Youth and adults may start to believe they are not good enough. But family and friends can remind them of their worth and help them reframe those faulty beliefs. It is important for parents to provide youth with different examples of people who looks like them in their community (family member, friends, or neighbors) who are doing well, even after going through discrimination. Adults will need to focus on your core values or who you are as a person and do what it is needed to not believe what the educator is attempting to do. Understand that educator may hinder you for a short period of time if you cannot remove yourself, but don't allow the negative goal of the person towards you come forth. Do what it is needed to help you know that person is just another distraction or challenge and may not be your last, but will not determine your future.

2. Youth or the adult will need to believe or be aware that they are not the one with the problem, but the teacher/educator have the problem and there are positive ways to address the person who think it is fine to discriminate.

3. Do what is needed to not become offended, but understand those who discriminate others for whatever reasons  have been taught to be this way based on their environment and responding from a place of fear and hatred.

4. Seek professional help. Discrimination can be very difficult to deal with, and is often associated with symptoms of depression and anger. You are not mentally weak, because of what you feel by the actions of others, but it shows that you are human. How you address your feelings are the keys to your success. Mental health providers are experts in helping people manage symptoms of stress, anger, and depression, and can help you find healthy ways to cope.

Coping With Discrimination

Witnessing discrimination while watching the news can be an impact on a person's psychological health the same way a person who experienced it personally. These events can elicit responses similar to post traumatic stress. According to Mayo clinic Post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD) is a mental health condition that's triggered by a terrifying event — either experiencing it or witnessing it.

Action Steps to maintain psychological health:

Please take time to practice self-care or coping mechanisms to alleviate some of the negative effects of discrimination-related stress and trauma. Ignoring how you feel or what's happening will not be the best way to cope.

-Don't isolate yourself from people during this time, but purposely spend time with people who honestly appreciate you as a person.

-Face it by asking people in your life who are apart of the majority if they discriminate against people. Make sure your demeanor is calm. The key is to not assume all people think the same way, but you need to know who are for you or teaching your children.  If people in your life let you know they do discriminate or think they are better than others for whatever reason, don't be afraid to remove yourself or children out of that environment if they desire or have the power to cause harm and no one can stop him/her.  This empowers you to seek or create and help you maintain a healthy self-esteem.

-If you are in the majority, purposely take time to let people who are being discriminated know you do not believe in hatred, you believe all people are created equally, and want the best for all people, especially if you are a teacher or being paid to help others. People need to know you are safe, you will do what it is needed to protect, and will not cause harm. If you are not willing to say or protect, please remove yourself from environments that include people you will discriminate against and seek mentally help to process your hatred and take steps to get rid of it. Know you can change, regardless of your age.

- Talk about how it causes you to feel, the good and the bad in a safe place. Try not to state your hurt or frustrations on social media if you're not willing to accept the consequences.

-Volunteer in your communities and remind people they are loved and needed and encourage them to overcome hatred with love or positive actions. Run from HATE, it's very unhealthy mentally and physically.

-Purposely take time to pray and forgive all those who discriminate, don't allow hatred to consume you due to disappointment, fear, angry, frustrations, or rejections.

-If you can't forgive, maintain anxiety/fear, nightmares, night terrors, uncontrolled thoughts about the situation, angry towards the majority, want to cause harm, or somatic flashbacks please speak with a mental health provider to help you process your feelings and learn coping mechanisms to help you move forward.

There are more relevant, healthy things you can do in order to maintain psychological health, but hopefully these few help you move forward in order to cope with discrimination.

Written by Dr. Nancia