- Assess how well you are connected emotionally with your partner before, during, and after your sexual relations. The key is to make sure you are connected all the time. If you recognize there is a difference anytime, find out why, and do what's needed to fix it. If you're not the reason, talk to your partner of how he/she could become more connected emotionally before, during, and after sex. Most couples have an issue remaining emotionally connected after making love for various reasons. The more you talk about it and purposely work on it, most likely you will remain emotionally connected and fix issues.
- Embrace sex or see it as positive and not negative. Talk to your partner about how and why you enjoy making love with him/her. Don't feel embarrassed about talking about sex, it's just like talking about your favorite places to travel, clothing you like to wear, or foods you like to eat. Ask your partner of ways you can improve and what he/she dislikes in order to improve in this area. If he/she ask you to do things you don't feel comfortable doing tell the person and provide a reason. Don't just shy away without discussing your reasons. Hopefully, your partner will love you enough to understand and both of you decide to learn together different ways to recreate that magic.
- Teach yourself. If people are honest, most learn how to make love over time. The more you do it, learn what you and your partner like & dislike you feel more comfortable giving of yourself. Read books or view material that's safe in order to learn how to develop or improve your sexual skills. If you have an addiction to pornography, please reconsider viewing materials to help you in this area. Most likely you know a lot of positions, but may have issues with connecting emotionally with your partner. Purposely learn to improve in this area and don't stop because you been married for few years with children.
- Explore Your Past. Negative past sexual experiences, guilt, or how sex was viewed growing up are the main reasons why most people don't try to improve themselves in this area. Please seek truth about sex or making love, and don't let your sexual life be dictated by past fears. When you can give yourself freely to a person in this way, you are telling him/her they are worthy of your existence. Everyone is not worthy of this type of presence in your life; unless you don't understand your true worth.
- Get Help if needed. There are many who don't enjoy sex because of physical pain, sexual dysfunction, or trust issues with their partner. Please seek help by speaking with your medical doctor if it's physical issues and a therapist if it's mentally. Talking to others about your sexual issues may not "feel" good, but if you are married and you love your spouse, please focus on how wonderful making love should be and how you only want to offer your spouse your best. Plus sex has many benefits when it's done by two people who really love each other, emotionally connected to each other, and desire the best for each other. Seek to become your BEST Sexual Self.
Written By Nancia Leath, MA LPC NCC
Mental Health Therapist
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