What Is An Emotional Murder?

“My father told me I needed to act more like a man and stop crying all the time like a woman. He acts like he is ashamed of me and don’t invite me to places like my other brother. I feel so worthless.”

“I wanted my mom to think I’m beautiful and important too. My Mom would always talk about my weight and my negative attitude. She even said how I acted and looked were going to be the reasons I never get married. So I find myself doing things to draw men away because I still believe her words even at the age of 35!”


“My teacher told me I was too slow, there was something wrong with me, and she needed to move on. I just don’t get it, I feel so dumb when I’m around her.”

“My aunt told me my butt was too small by being a black girl and only white boys will like me. So I want to get an operation to increase the size of my butt because I want to have more choices and my butt makes me feel ugly.”

Certain comments or even in jest can have a negative impact on our children perceptions of themselves, especially preteens and teenagers. There are adults who suffer from negative comments as well. Can you remember negative phrases or jokes that were made about you when you were a preteen or teenager? Most people still remember the words and the sting.

It could be true your daughter is gaining weight, your students are moody, or your cousin’s nose may appear large to you, however if professionals don’t have any concerns with their weight, emotional state, or nose most likely you’re the one with the issues not the youth. Especially if your youth are in their healthy weight range, their feelings towards life are not hindering them from achieving life goals (getting out of bed, attending school, establishing friendships, etc.) or can breath from their nose with no issues. If they do have issues in any area, it will be best for their professional care providers to tell them and you on the other hand try to do things to support them in ways of encouragement.

Most teenagers who are discouraged at home or at school due to their differences usually find it difficult to understand their value as a person. Adults who are always criticized by their spouses, supervisors, friends, family members, or someone they respect have issues with their self-esteem. So they may seek validation from outside sources and sometimes it’s from a negative source. Some people who receive negativity from people whom they respect usually believe what was said about them is true, especially children and teenagers. Their behaviors tend to match with what was said to them. Then parents, teachers, or adults have a hard time understanding how they could be linked to their youth negative behaviors.

People who choose to use negative words this way are known as Emotional Murders. Most of them are not aware of how powerful their words are or some are aware and use their negative words to control and hurt. Regardless of their reasons, the key is to assess your words and make sure you are not using your words to destroy a person from within. If you are an Emotional Murder please get mental health counseling because people who find themselves giving their negative opinions to others all the time usually have deep emotional hurts within.

Written by Nancia Leath, MA LPC NCC – Licensed Mental Health Therapist and Owner of Inward Core Healthcare Services (www.inwardcorehealthcare.com) 

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